THE LONG AND WINDING LINE

BY DAN MILLER
February 21, 2006

I come from a long line of long line opponents.

Actually, I have no idea how my ancestors felt about long lines, but I'm betting they didn't like them.

The only time I welcome a long line is when I need to finish a fascinating article in the Enquirer about Brad and Angelina before I have to stick it back in the rack and proceed to the check-out counter.

And, by the way.... what's more infuriating than waiting forever in a long, slow moving line at the grocery, only to have a new check-out lane suddenly open and -- instead of taking the next poor soul in line -- the clerk beckons the person who just walked up and joined the back of the line.

If some elected politician wants to get my vote.... there's something they could propose -- a "next in line" law.

Of course, long lines nowadays pale in comparison to what I experienced during Army basic training at Fort Jackson.
Before we could enter the mess hall for breakfast -- we had to line up single file, some 200 strong -- then each of us had to make it across about 15 monkey bars, one rung at a time.
If you dropped off before the last rung, you were banished to the end of the chow line.

Amazingly, I quickly became pretty good on monkey bars.
Still am.

I'm acquainted with some celebrity-types who seem to think their status excludes them from ever having to wait in line for anything.
They actually expect -- even demand -- to be quickly ushered around any line, or immediately seated in a restaurant, bypassing the waiting list.
They will candidly brag about it, thinking -- I suppose -- it impresses people.
It doesn't.

Conversely, for some reason, it can be quite impressive to see a major celebrity standing in line like the rest of us.

The other day, my wife, daughter and I went to a little Green Hills restaurant that had a line of people literally spilling out onto the sidewalk.
Everybody was especially anxious to get inside the door because it was a cold day.

After making our way through the line, ordering our food, and sitting down at a table, I noticed Leann Rimes standing in line, patiently inching closer to the counter, the same as everybody else.

She was recognized and approached by several folks.
She got no special escort to the front of the line, and she gave no indication that she expected any special treatment.

I know little about Leann Rimes personally.... but because I saw her standing patiently in that line.... I think she's pretty cool.

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