THERE SHE IS... BUT CAN SHE DANCE?

BY DAN MILLER
(originally posted September 16, 2004)

I'm told they're dropping the talent competition from the telecast of the Miss America pageant this year, except for the last two contestants.
Apparently, hoping to boost ratings, they're speeding things up.

That's sad. For me, watching Miss America on TV was always better than other pageants because it wasn't just a beauty contest. It was about smart, talented young women, proudly representing their home states with song, dance, and ventriloquism.

My wife Karen put this question to me.....
"If it's so important to make these big TV events shorter", she said, "why don't they just cut out the third quarter of the Super Bowl?" Well, that's crazy talk!..... but a good point.

Now, I'm going to reveal to you what really started the problems for the Miss America pageant. It's simple..... but it can no longer be fixed.

They replaced Bert Parks as host! Bert Parks WAS the Miss America pageant!
He hosted from 1955 to 1980, then was unceremoniously fired. That's when things started slipping.

Who else could sing "There She Is" the way Bert Parks did?
And who was Bert's replacement? Ron Ely. Ron Ely!!! Remember him?
He played Tarzan on TV. And he hosted only 2 years before they fired him and started a revolving door.

Well, now it's too late. They can't get Bert back, rest his soul.
And they can't get Johnny Weissmuller either.
I expect it'll be Billy Bush or Whoopi Goldberg.

Good luck Miss Tennessee! Somebody let me know how it went.

_________________________