OPRAH MOVING HER SHOW TO NASHVILLE
BY DAN MILLER
(originally posted April 1, 2005)
Oprah is coming home. The Notebook has exclusive information that she'll move her show and Harpo Productions to Nashville next fall.
Oprah plans to convert the old Belle Meade Theatre into a state of the art studio.... and to built a giant office tower over near her Dad's barber shop.
There's also speculation that she'll buy naming rights for the arena, and call it Oprah's Playhouse.
I've also been told that she'll hire me, Dan Miller, to run things, at a salary of $3,000,000 a year.
OK, OK, it's an April Fools joke. Sorry. But you gotta admit, it got your attention.
Actually, I don't especially like April Fools jokes. I usually find them irritating and bothersome.
Having said that, here's a list of 10 classics:
1.) In 1996, Taco Bell announced they had bought the Liberty Bell from the federal government and planned to rename it the Taco Liberty Bell. People were not amused.
2.) In 1959, the Kokomo Indiana Tribune announced that, in a cost saving measure, the city police department would close every night from 6 PM until 6 AM. All calls during the night would be recorded on an answering machine and screened by an officer the next morning. People were not amused.
3.) In 1999, the Phoenix New Times announced the formation of a new charity that would help the homeless -- not with food and shelter -- but with guns and ammunition. It was named "The Arm the Homeless Coalition". People were not amused. Oddly, the story received coverage from 60 Minutes II and Associated Press before everyone was made aware that it was a prank.
4.) In 1997, an email message spread worldwide, announcing that the internet would be shut down for 24 hours, beginning at midnight April 1st, for "cleaning". A few people were not amused.... but many -- like me -- knew very little of what the internet was anyhow.
5.) In 1998, the newsletter "New Mexicans for Science and Reason" contained an article claiming the Alabama Legislature had voted to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 to the "biblical value" of 3.0 Many were amused, but not necessarily the good people of Alabama.
6.) In 1985, Sports Illustrated published a story that the New York Mets had signed a rookie pitcher named Sidd Finch, who could throw a fastball 168 MPH, with pinpoint accuracy. The story was written by George Plimpton, who went on to say the youngster had refused to go to the Olympics for fear of hurting someone. For awhile, many people were impressed. In fact, Sports Illustrated was flooded with requests for more information.
7.) In 1998, Burger King placed an ad in USA Today announcing the introduction on their menu of the "Left Handed Whopper", specifically aimed at the 32 million left-handed Americans. According to the advertisement, all the ingredients -- such as tomato, lettuce and meat -- would be rotated 180 degrees for the lefties. Many right-handed people felt slighted.
8.) In 1980, the BBC reported that Big Ben, in keeping up with changing times, would be given a digital readout. The Brits were really, really not amused.
9.) In 1965, the BBC (which obviously loves April Fools jokes) interviewed a professor who had invented a device called "smellovision". The professor said it could transmit aromas from the TV shows right into the viewers' homes, and he demonstrated by cutting up some onions.
Many people called to say it was working. Hmmmm
10.) In 1997, the owners of Opryland announced they were closing the theme park and building a shopping center in its place. Many people were not amused.
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